Series: ‘A Note to Parents’ - The Arc of Sports can save us from 2020
In this series of posts, published by our CEO Tyler Kreitz when he was the COO of ADVNC Lacrosse, Tyler sheds light on pressing issues facing families in youth sports. Not only does Tyler provide valuable insight on these issues from top researchers in the space, but also tangible solutions to instill positive change in the youth sports ecosystem coming out of the COVID-19 pandemic.
9/24/20
Dear Parents,
Four months ago I wrote to you about the silver linings we were finding amidst the COVID-19 pandemic. How refocusing on our mission helped us navigate through the uncertainty of the moment. The purity of sports had made a resurgence and the reduced pace of life had encouraged more kids to find fun playing in their backyard. Backyards had become our training grounds, and as Steve Rushin put it in his recent column for Sports Illustrated, they had become our escape. Our concerns then were how we might lose this moment of purity afforded by silver linings of the pandemic.
Oh, how quaint that all was.
Since then, 2020 veered into the times of Noah. From historical fires creating a Martian landscape, the killings of George Floyd, Ahmad Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and Jacob Blake that tore at our social fabric, and an election cycle where functioning adults are being shouted down by zealots. All this, plus a pandemic that hasn’t gone away.
In lieu of the 2020 floods we face, sports may seem like an undeserving diversion. Something to take our minds away from the reality at hand. In this context, Washington Nationals reliever Sean Doolittle gave perhaps the best commentary back in June when baseball was getting back to work:
“… We haven’t done any of the things that other countries have done to bring sports back. Sports are like the reward of a functional society, and we’re trying to just bring it back, even though we’ve taken none of the steps to flatten the curve, whatever you want to say. … We just opened back up for Memorial Day. We decided we’re done with it.”
Though Doolittle was focusing on what was necessary to safely resume sports, his sentiment of avoiding the hard work and uncomfortable situations that these times call for rang true. What he missed is that sports offer the most compelling classroom to teach the necessary lessons to get through times like these, something we touched on when the pandemic was first starting.
This is because sports demand more than hashtags and hope, or hate. Whether on the field, the court, or the pool, sports demand grit, fortitude, and an ability to deal with nuance and disappointment that is real. They provide real-life training grounds athletes can use to hone the skills we all need to return to a sense of normal.
There are two idioms in particular that I learned from sports that I find relevant today:
Be present when the crowd leaves
The field doesn’t lie
These lessons have been honed on fields, in locker rooms, and in huddles at all levels, and as an organization whose mission is to help young people grow through sports it is important ADVNC does our part to teach in this moment.
When the crowd leaves, the real work begins
There was a period in my teens through my early 20’s when many family friends and relatives died suddenly or tragically. Sports offered me an escape during this time, and through the highs and lows I had on the field I learned the valuable lesson of being there for teammates when the crowd isn’t. I took from this that is important to check in with the grieving at least two months after the funeral. It’s usually around then, when the swell of support from friends and family has subsided, that the grieving need to hear from you and the recovery begins.
I offer this anecdote in light of the protests, activism, and social unrest that erupted after the killing of George Floyd and has continued through to today. Right when the protests started, prominent New York Times columnist Charles Blow pleaded with those emboldened to stand up for justice to not let the movement devolve into a “social justice Coachella for the young and cooped up”. An activist-chic street fair for the hip and woke. Aisha Harris, a young black writer in the Times offered then that the moment has engendered the same skepticism as previous ‘Pivotal Moments’ while maintaining a sliver of hope that this time it is different.
Mr. Blow and Ms. Harris columns were fruitful for piercing the balloon of the fashionably aware. As we all have seen, however, this moment has not faded away and the recent boycott of the NBA, MLS, and WNBA after Jacob Blake’s shooting has shown that sports can provide a very loud megaphone to make a point.
However, amidst the loud calls for reform and justice, a virulent strain of opportunistic rage has overtaken the initial narrative of social awareness. The protests and unrest have garnered headlines and attention from media and celebrities, allowing a comfortable seat for opposing crowds to settle into and hurl insults or worse at the other.
So what happens when the yelling stops? What about the real work of recovery and rebuilding for a society that needs it?
Over conversations and texts, Kevin Kelley, a longtime ADVNC Coach and the Founder and Executive Director of the Oakland Lacrosse Club, has reminded me that the actual hard work is still happening and is still ahead. His comment has echoed that of prominent civil rights veterans and legislators. When the crowds leave is when the real work begins, and when dealing with the legacies of racism in America, the work will not be easy.
So where do we begin? For starters, we can be there when the crowd leaves and step outside of our own bubble and away from the fray. Brian Silcott, a legendary coach and head of the San Carlos Firehawks Lacrosse Club, recently sent an email that outlined 9 concrete ways to make a change in your life and your community. Paul Rabil, to his credit, shared this message via Twitter to his huge following. The outline is challenging for some, but also straightforward and can be printed out to be put on your refrigerator (here’s the link).
The 9 recommendations, from not shying away from the topic to getting out of your own bubble and supporting businesses outside of your community is something you can put into practice every day. These things won’t garner crowds, nor should they. It's only when the crowd leaves that the real work will begin.
The field don’t lie, so find a way to figure it out
As anyone who has stepped outside of their comfort zone can attest, it is important to go into uncomfortable situations with a toolkit that allows you to stay open-minded and keep your point of view from a third party objective. This toolkit helps you have difficult conversations and helps overcome the situations you’re facing.
The eponymous book Difficult Conversations: How To Discuss What Matters Most, identify the scenarios in everyday life that we ignore or avoid due to the discomfort they cause. Written by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen, all from Harvard Law School and the Harvard Negotiation Project, the book should be a required read for any athlete and any parent of an athlete. Anyone who has had the (mis)fortune of talking to me on the sidelines for more than a minute will likely hear me bring this book up and practically force it into your Amazon cart.
That said, life is not as simple as sports and the difficult conversations of our day have been replaced by a whipsaw cancel culture that has no time or room for thorough analysis. At a time when we need nuance, we have gotten absolutism. Ironically, we need the simplicity of sports more than ever to help us have the real difficult conversations of the day.
We need sports because they act as a training ground for developing a toolbox to problem solve, speak directly and take in viewpoints different from your own.
Sports, by design, put you in uncomfortable situations all the time, where the chance of failure and disappointment are real. In doing so, sports can and should force you into having direct and honest conversations with yourself and your teammates. Successful teams, coaches, and players are able to do this.
These successful organizations, athletes, and coaches overcome tense situations through clear communication and identifying problems on the field that can be fixed while acknowledging both successes and failures of the participants at hand. Teammates and coaches are required to hear differing points of view on what caused the situation in the first place, for not doing so would jeopardize their success. Perhaps most importantly, sports require you to listen and hear what your teammates and coaches are saying, even in the most heated and intense moments.
On successful teams, there are no conversations but honest conversations because what happens on the field doesn’t lie.
This simple truth is a lesson that needs to be brought from the field and into the real world, especially as the flood of 2020 continues.
Until next time -
Tyler